Old ages jokes

[Wallyandre (Andre)]

•I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That's us in 10 years".
He said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!"

•Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,
"Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while
standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing
of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way
down."

The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem.
Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said,
"That must be the door, I'll get it!"


•As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be
careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

•70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."
Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[squaretail]

Those were great!!!